Follow, Follow, Follow….

Follow, Follow, Follow...

How can I help my child to follow my lead? It isn’t easy! Most of the time, all the explaining, reasoning and persuading in the world won’t get us very far. We adults are excellent thinkers and explainers. Surely, with a little patience and the right words we can bring our child along with good reasoning.

I’m sure you have heard me say this before: the young child is governed by their will. That means they are mostly doers, movers and explorers. Words right now are not what motivate them. Action does!

And so they learn and are motivated by what we do, not by what we say. In fact, they are such little sensory beings, they will imitate us automatically. They don’t take it in cognitively like we do and then decide to imitate. They just do it innately, freely. Imagine a class of 12 Nursery children engaged in an imaginative circle of songs and movement with their teacher. The teacher pushes a whisp of hair out of her face while flying around the room like a bird. The children push aside their hair too without even thinking. It is really very sweet but in that moment the teacher realizes how powerful the children’s imitative capacities are and how important it is for her to always be worthy of this imitation.

 Of course when they are learning to speak, they will learn from hearing us talk, but we don’t have to narrate everything all the time. The young child needs us to model life for them and they need us to do it with equanimity and joy.

When your child won’t listen:

• Practice doing what you want them to do without narrating. Singing is also helpful here. 
• Remember the young child is an innate imitator. Asking if they want to do something or explaining what you are doing, even while doing it, can disrupt this organic process. 
• Do things slowly, mindfully and with gentle care. This is especially important when you are tending to your child or other living things. They will learn to touch as they are touched and as they see you touch other things.
• Do things joyfully and with gratitude around your child, knowing that they are always taking everything in. 
• Let your children participate (even if in some small way) when they want to join you. Don’t deprive them of that need to imitate and be along side you. These are special moments of connection. Perfection and efficiency can take a back seat here.

A few modeling opportunities:

• Have your boots and coats and hats and mittens together in the mud room so you can put your own things on together with your child. Leave enough time to do this joyfully and slowly. This includes pulling a sleeve right side out, sitting down to pull boots off and hanging things up. A little stool is helpful for your child. Singing is helpful too.
• Find ways your child can help with meal preparation and table setting with you. Have everything ready at the table when you sit down for the meal together so your child doesn’t see you getting up and down to get things. 
• Keep all the family tooth brushes or hairbrushes in one place so you can engage in daily care activities together. Joyful, but mater-of-fact is the mood. If you want to make it playful or animated, that’s fine as long as you are willing to do it the same way each time. Children love repetition.
• Wear your hat, wash your hands, shut the door with your hand instead of your foot, and say please and thank you often. You really don’t need to tell them to say “thank you” or prompt them with “what do you say?”. Doing it yourself will resonate with your child much more than asking them to do it and they will soon do it on their own. Be what you want your child to be-with love.